Religious Feminism: An Oxymoron? NO!

You never know the connections you build. While I was on vacation in Orlando, I got an email from someone at Oakton Community College, who had gotten my name from Women of the Wall. Could I speak on a panel in March on Feminism and Religion? Me? Aren’t there other women in Chicagoland more qualified than me? You go all the way to Israel to come back to me in Elgin? You just never know how this networking stuff works. Of course I will. Every time I serve on a panel and say I am Rabbi Margaret Frisch Klein from Congregation Kneseth Israel, I build the congregation. There are still people who do not know that there is a synagogue in Elgin, even after 123 years. So Friday morning found me driving to Oakton. Having attended Oakton Elementary School in Evanston, it felt a little like coming home. More on that later.

There were five women on the panel. A Catholic who lives in Evanston and works for Women’s Ordination of Priests, http://www.womensordination.org an attorney who works for child protective services for the state and calls herself a feminist Morman, a Buddhist woman who with her husband opened a meditation center and a Muslim who founded the Side Entrance, http://sideentrance.tumblr.com

There were three questions that we were asked to prepare. I joked that in this season of Passover, I would expect FOUR Questions.

This is a topic that is near and dear to my heart. When I decided to be a rabbi, I didn’t set out to be a woman rabbi, but as you might have noticed, that is what I am. No escaping or ignoring it. My first week of rabbinical school I got a mikveh question from the rabbi’s wife. I routinely get questions about domestic violence, rape, nursing, weaning, menopause. I think women are not necessarily comfortable asking their male rabbis these types of questions.

I started my discussion with props: an orange on a seder plate in order to show how Judaism is a layered tradition and to tell both parts of the story, a picture of Barbie wearing tefilin and my Woman of the Wall tallit.

I felt both underprepared and over prepared. I was glad I went to the plenary session entitled Glitter Science to put this event in a context. How do we market science to girls? How much pink and purple and glitter? How do we make sure that girls stay interested, are nurtured, are encouraged, are prepared and stay involved? The research is clear. The more diverse a workplace is, the more likely it is to be successful at problem solving and EVEN at making more money.

So the questions:

  1. How does your faith tradition nourish you as a woman?

I found this question challenging. So did the other panelists. There is no question that my faith nourishes me, in all sorts of ways. But as a woman. It felt like reading a page of Talmud. There are even some times where instead of nourishing me, it is an impediment.

Nonetheless, when I thought about it I found that the traditions that are unique to women to be nourishing.

I love lighting Shabbat candles and the peace that can envelope a house when we prepare for Shabbat.

I like baking challah—even if I rarely get to do it anymore. Again that sense of shalom bayit, peace of the house with the pleasing smell of baking bread can be transformative in a busy week.

I like mikveh, the Jewish ritual bath. It has been the source of much solace and healing in my own life, particularly as a violent crime that was perpetrated on me—precisely because I am a woman. There is something about immersing monthly that enabled me to see myself as loveable and holy once again. I could talk about that aspect at length—and have on a different panel at a national mikveh conference hosted by Mayyim Hayyim in Boston where I chaired the panel on mikveh for healing and hope. It wasn’t one single immersion, that helped heal for me; it was the rhythm of going every month. However, others would argue, including my own mother, that the use of mikveh is how women are still enslaved in Judaism—or at the very least it is a misogynist religion. (And during the panel the convener had to define misogynist since more than one panelist used the term.)

I realize that part of what I love about Judaism is that it is rooted in tradition—all the way back to the matriarchs, Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel and Leah. However, this is a tradition that has continued to evolve so that it is flexible enough to meet the spiritual needs today. Those matriarchs did not used to be included in our daily service. Now for denominations they are. People are writing new rituals that include a girl’s baby naming, or a Bat Mitzvah or a ceremony to mark learning to read, getting a driver’s license, leaving for college or becoming menopausal. And some of these are even happening in the Orthodox world.

Prayer nourishes me as a woman. One of the first classes I taught a fifth grade girl argued with me that God is never male nor female so why was I using masculine pronouns. She was right. And this was 1983—early in Jewish feminism. There are even ample examples of God as neither male nor female or having female imagery. El Shaddai, HaRachamim, Shechinah to name a few.

On the panel I heard similar themes. The Muslim reminded me that God is neither male nor female and that it wasn’t Eve who tempted Adam. Hagar is a good role model for providing for her child. The Buddhist talked about the argument to ordain women going all the way back to the Buddha’s aunt who argued for women’s ordination. After that there were Buddhist nuns.

  1. What does it mean to be a feminist in your religious tradition?

This week Gloria Steinmen celebrated her 81st birthday. This is Women’s History Month and we observed International Women’s Day and Girl Scout Week earlier this month so it seems appropriate that this panel finishes out March. And so I wonder–what does this picture of Barbie wearing tefilin, the Jewish leather prayer straps usually the domain of men mean? It could mean that as Jewish women we have made it in America. Or it could mean that we as Jews have made it in America. Or could it be something else, because as feminists, is it the image of Barbie we want for our daughters?

As the Jew on the panel, I get to claim Gloria Steinem, and many of the early feminists as Jews. Or at least secular New York Jews and that is a category by itself. Bella Abzug, Rachel Adler, Susan Brownmiller, Merle Feld, Betty Friedan, Debbie Friedman, Letty Cohen Pogrebin, Marge Piercy, Judith Plaskow. So many household names. And my own mother who worked tirelessly for women’s rights, equal pay for women and gave up a promising scientific career because she got pregnant with me. Yes, I am the reason my mother did not win a Nobel prize for medicine although her office at Columbia did! There are many women whom I stand on their shoulders. Beruiah, the wife of Rav in the Talmud who also was a teacher, Gluckel of Hamlin, who owned her own business in the 1600s and went all over Europe to fairs to sell her wares and to marry off her children. And she kept a journal so we have a record of it all. Rabbi Regina Jonas, the first modern woman rabbi ordained in Germany in the early 1940s and was killed at Auschwitz. Rabbi Sally Prieslan, the first woman rabbi ordained in the Reform Movement in 1972, Dr. Susannah Heschel, who edited On Being a Jewish Feminist, Blu Greenberg, who wrote How to Run a Traditional Jewish Household, and On Women and Judaism, Rabbi Dr. Judith Hauptman, author of Rereading the Rabbis and ordained by the Academy for Jewish Religion, while being a Talmud professor at JTS, Dr. Rivka Haut, one of my professors and one of the founders of the Women of the Wall, Anat Hoffman, the executive director of Israel Religious Action Center and the director of Women of the Wall and so, so many others.

Unlike other people on this panel, my tradition has been ordaining women for seven decades and roughly half of all rabbis in the United States are women. Having a Bat Mitzvah is standard. Baby girls have a baby naming to welcome them into the covenant. Men and women sit together in many congregations and even in the Orthodox world you can find women’s minyans, prayer groups, Bat Mitzvahs, baby namings and discussions to rival this one. There are even a few women in the Orthodox world who have been ordained as rabbis, using the term Rabbah or Maharat, and I applaud Rabbi Avi Weiss and Rabbah Sarah Hurvitz for having the courage to do this. There is even the JOFA, The Jewish Orthodox Feminist Alliance, not an oxymoron. https://www.jofa.org You might even want to use the old phrase, “You’ve come a long way, baby.”

It makes me feel good to think about each of them. But it is not as simple as that. Judaism is a 5000 year tradition that prides itself on having more than one answer to any question. Let’s take Judith Hauptman’s book. Were the rabbis of the Talmud misogynist? In some ways they were ahead of their time and the surrounding cultures. They allowed for divorce and remarriage, for abortion, for punishment for rape. They allowed for women to pray—even required it. Women read Torah, some wore tefilin, some even blew shofar or were mohels (people who perform circumcision.

Yet today in some places in Judaism, those are not the case. When I lived in Israel there was not a word for woman rabbi in Hebrew, just for a rabbi’s wife. That was NOT what I was planning to be. Then there was the rabbi who told me I couldn’t be a rabbi because I was a woman and that is why G-d had allowed me to be attacked. It took years to recover from that and when I was in Israel just prior to ordination I cried when an Orthodox rabbi blessed me at the Ramhal synagogue in ancient Akko.

55 women have been arrested in Israel for wearing a Woman of the Wall tallit. Others have been beaten for wearing tefilin. In my own synagogue when we hosted a Men’s Club event, a visitor came in, complemented the breakfast that obviously the Sisterhood must have provided, (they did not, it was the Men’s Club) and demanded after being introduced to me as the rabbi, that we not count minyan. I explained that at my congregation we do count women, but that I was sure we would have more than 10 men and he would be welcome to just count those. Then I asked my ritual chairperson to add peppermint schnapps to my morning coffee.

So while we may have come a long way—there are still mountains to climb.

  1. How are men and women treated differently in you tradition?  Why?  How has this changed over the course of history?

For the beginning of written “history”, men and women have been treated differently. If you look at the story of Adam and Eve, Eve becomes known as the temptress. Even Rashi, one of our leading Jewish commentators said about Eve that you should be careful about women because Eve was a “gadabout.” Hagar, the concubine of Abraham, at Sarah’s own suggestion, is thrown out of Abraham’s camp even though she is the first person, male or female to name G-d. Sarah is left out of the decision to take Isaac up the mountain to be sacrificed. Rebecca is responsible for ensuring the covenant continues but through trickery and the rabbis accuse her of not having enough trust. God tells Moses to tell the people of Israel consecrate the people and have them wash their clothes and be ready for the third day so that they can receive the 10 Commandments. Moses adds to this and says “Prepare yourself for the third day. Do no go near a woman.”

Historically in the Talmud, women, children and slaves were not obligated to any of the time-bound positive mitzvot, commandments. So they did not have to lay tefilin, or pray three times a day or many other things. We were told that it was because we didn’t need the structure of those time-bound obligations. We had a higher spirituality. But it left us out. What was seen as an exemption became known as a prohibition. One who is exempt cannot be the agent of one who is required. So for instance, men are required to recite birkat hamazon, the blessing, grace after meals and Kiddush, the blessing over wine that sanctifies time. Working at an assisted living facility as the rabbi, I made Kiddush one Shabbat and this nice older woman came up to me, told me I chanted beautifully and now could a real man make Kiddush so that it would count and it would really be Shabbat?

Originally men and women both had to immerse to be purified after an seminal emission or after a woman’s menstrual cycle. Every one had to immerse before going up to the Holy Temple in Jerusalem and there is ample archaeological evidence that there were many mikva’ot surrounding the Temple. There was a large “women’s court” at the temple and that is where the second night of Sukkot and the water drawing ceremony was observed. After the destruction of the Temple, in 70 CE, it was just the woman after her period and that seemed oppressive to some. No matter how many times people (men?) would tell women that they would feel like a bride again, it always seemed to be unequal and harder on the woman.

In the morning blessings there is a traditional blessing that men recite in the synagogue that thanks G-d for not making me a woman. Most Conservative and Reform prayer books have changed that language to make it more palatable. I am intrigued by a version that appeared in the Cairo Genizah that changes the formulation to “…who has created me a human and not beast, a man and not a woman, an Israelite and not a gentile, circumcised and not uncircumcised, free and not slave.” There are scholarly arguments that this is the prayer the Apostle Paul was referring to when he declared that there is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female.” And there are other scholars who believe that Rabbi Judah was reacting to Paul’s words. So I am much more comfortable when I daven (pray) the language that the Conservative Movement instituted with the positive affirmation of what we are: free, Jewish and created in G-d’s image, neither male nor female. In any case, you see just how layered this tradition is, and why many have seen it as misogynist.

As Judaism reinvented itself to be a religion of prayer and study and not sacrifice at the Temple, men’s spaces became dominant, and men’s leadership became paramount. This led to a lessening of the role of women. Nonetheless women were tasked with the education of the young and for personal status—for example the lineage of Judaism is passed down through the mother—the matrilineal argument, still in effect in most Jewish communities.

However, by the 19th Century, with the Enlightenment and with the growing role of women in society in general, people began to re-evaluate women’s roles in the synagogue and bring them back into the main worship space and in leadership roles. Mixed seating happened in the early 1840s. In 1890 Ray Frank was the first woman to “preach” from the pulpit. The first Bat Mitzvah was held in 1922, the daughter of Rabbi Mordechai Kaplan, the founder of Reconstructionist Judaism. Counting women in the minyan. Women’s organizations such as Women of Reform Judaism and the Women’s League for Conservative Judaism, (Sisterhoods), Hadassah and women’s campaigns of Jewish federations all taught leadership skills to women. All of these have expanded the role of women in Judaism.

Some things seem like we have always done them. When I was a college freshman, for women’s week, I was asked to read Torah. I had always done that and assumed that in most congregations this was true. It was not. So the decision was that I would read Torah on Friday night without the traditional blessings, just for Torah Study. The issue with Torah reading for women frequently gets confused with blood. (Why are men so afraid of blood?). It was told to us that women cannot touch a Torah while menstruating because the impurities would be passed to the sacred scroll. Not true we learn later. Like the waters of the mikveh, the Torah cannot be made impure by a menstruating woman. Women were encouraged in the Talmud to not read Torah, although again it was permissible, because women had time to practice and might show the men up! And yet this is the very issue that is still being fought over by the Women of the Wall who have been denied having a Torah scroll on the women’s side of the Western Wall.

Much of what has been used to “keep women down” is about modesty. It is stated that the voice of a woman, Kol Isha, can be so alluring that women cannot sing in public or sometimes even teach. In Israel this can be taken to ridiculous levels. So in a country where there is mandatory army service, even for women, there are battles about whether women can sing in army shows or accept awards for academic scientific research! Some of it is about modesty of dress. Married women in the Orthodox world are expected to cover their hair, again to not be alluring. They also where long sleave shirts, longish dresses and some groups require women wear pantyhose, even in the hottest of weather. Just this weekend a picture was banned in Israel of a 2 year old girl’s feet. Really. Touch is another issue. Some Jews are “Shomer nagiah”, again because of the fear of touching a woman who might be menstruating. There are even some bus routes that do not let women sit with men on the bus, despite a Israeli Supreme Court injunction against this prohibition.

Some of these battles—over woman’s dress, voice, bus routes, etc are not unlike what we see in the Catholic Church or in very traditional Muslim Circles. I was amazed to hear of the work of Side Entrance and allowing Muslim women and girls access to Muslim prayer spaces. And she was interested to learn of the work of Women of the Wall.

We are preparing now for Passover. On my seder plate there will be an orange. Why is there an orange? There are two stories. Only one of which is true but both of them are relevant. The first goes like this: Dr. Susannah Heschel was given a speech in Miami Beach. On old man stood up and angrily said that a woman belongs on a seder plate like a woman belongs on the bimah. That would have been important enough. And that was the story that was told for a generation. But it is not what happened. And we confirmed it in person with Susannah herself this year when she, my husband and my best friend, a Catholic priest were in Selma earlier this month to mark the 50th anniversary of Bloody Sunday. The real story goes like this: At Oberlin College in a hagaddah written by Oberlin students to bring a feminist voice to the seder, a young girl asks a rabbi what room there is in Judaism for a lesbian. The rabbi rises in anger and shouts, “There is as much room for a lesbian in Judaism as there is for a crust for bread on the seder plate.” Heschel was inspired by the idea but bread was going too far. It would invalidate the plate, the meal, the holiday, the very question itself. It would reflect that lesbians themselves are somehow impure and a violation of Judaism itself. The next year, Heschel put an orange on her family seder plate because it “suggests the fruitfulness for all Jews when lesbians and gay men are contributing and active members of Jewish life.” Today the orange symbolizes all people who feel marginalized, the widow, the orphan, the stranger, the LGBTQ community. And yes, women. Some day we may all be free to celebrate within the Jewish community this holiday of freedom in the way that makes sense to us.

There will also be a Miriam’s Cup. The Miriam’s Cup was added to the seder in the early 1980s by a Rosh Hodesh group in Boston. By the mid 80s it was already a part of my seders. There is a midrash that there was a well that only Miriam could find, of fresh, living waters, Mayyim Hayyim. After Miriam’s death it disappeared and it is our job to find it again. And so a Miriam’s Cup is added to the seder table. We add spring water to it from each person’s water glass. For me, that fresh, living waters and our need to search it out is what feminism and religion is all about. An oxymoron? No. It is ours to discover and make our own.

A Child’s Passover Survival Guide

One week from tonight, Passover begins. Every year I hear the anxiety level rise as we get closer to Passover. No need! This is the most celebrated of Jewish holidays and it can be the most fun.

This week, like Jewish congregations everywhere, we read Exodus 12 as part of getting ready for Passover. It includes, “And it shall come to pass, that your children will say to you, “What do you mean by this service.” Exactly the same question that both the “Wicked Child” and the “Simple Child” ask. Everything about Passover is designed to get the kids to ask “Why?” It is the ultimate teaching moment

Earlier this week, we sent a letter home to our school parents, with four ideas you can use at your seder. This is, as the letter promised, the longer version. Try one or more with your family. Then let us know how it worked!

  1. Did you see the beautiful seder plates that Robin Seigle made with our youngest students? If you put them away each year, you will have a treasure for a lifetime. Or go as a family to a ceramics center and paint one and have them fire it. You can also make a Kiddush cup, an Elijah’s Cup or a Miriam Cup. I haven’t been there yet but try, Color Me Mine in Geneva. http://www.colormemine.com We still have several “antique” Sarah creations that we unpack each year and it is such fun to see them again, like greeting old friends.
  2. Like working in fabric better than clay? Make a matzah cover or an afikomen bag. Just stitch two napkins together and decorate with fabric paint, ribbon, etc.
  3. Kids like legos? Build a centerpiece for the seder out of bricks. Like Minecraft instead? Could be a great diversion while you are getting ready.
  4. Vary the menus. Let the kids help plan. What else can you use for karpas, the green of spring that grows in the ground? We serve a platter of veggies and dip after the karpas. Staves off the fifth question: When do we eat? Tired of brisket? Try something from somewhere else. This year we will do something from Guatemala since I am going with American Jewish World Service this summer. I think Guatemalan Coffee Coconut Flan is on the menu plus chicken with a chimichurra sauce.
  5. Make Charoset from around the world. Every country is slightly different. Here are some examples. There is even one from Guatemala. http://www.myjewishlearning.com/blog/jewish-and/2014/04/01/7-charoset-recipes-to-give-passover-an-international-flair/
  6. Try a new custom from around the world. Jews in Afghanistan create “whips” out of scallions to remind us of the years of Egyptian slavery. Jews of Turkey put on a play, including costumes. Jews of Egypt tie a piece of matzah in a napkin to look like a sack and pass it around the table. They ask two questions—Where are you from, “Egypt” and where are you going? Jerusalem. Some add the game, I am going to Israel and I am taking with me an apple, a bottle of water, charoset, drum, etc. The book Passover Around the World by Tami Lehman-Wilzig has lots of ideas. So far during Judaism Rocks we have been to Morocco, Canada, Central and South America, China, Italy…Where would you go for Passover?
  7. Do you change over your plates for Passover? Do you have a pre-schooler? Buy them a set of plastic dishes and let them change their kitchen over too!
  8. Let all who are hungry come and eat. Invite guests to join you. Donate your unopened non-perishables to the CKI food pantry. Calculate the cost of one person’s seder meal (great math skills for the kids, can be scary for the adults) and donate the cost of one person attending your seder to Mazon, the Jewish Response to Hunger. http://mazon.org
  9. What else can we put on our seder plate?. At the Klein’s seder we might have an orange, a beet, an artichoke, fair trade coffee and chocolate, a tomato, an olive. What do each of those symbolize? What new symbol do we need this year? What else could represent freedom?
  10. Are frogs a plague or a centerpiece? We have frogs everywhere. Can you find the frog sculpture that is hidden in the Fox River Valley? (It is in plain sight!) Take a picture with it. Have a discussion about what modern plagues might be.
  11. Music is always a joy. What are your favorite songs to sing with the kids. Practice the Four Questions. Learn a new song. Write a parody. Here is the latest with parodying Uptown Funk. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9v3xjf1kGlg This one of the plagues was on Facebook this week. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=biBGKDoolCk I love it. Not just because my colleague and friend from the Academy, Rabbi Suri Krieger makes a cameo appearance (as she did in last year’s Frozen)
  12. Read a book with your kids. There are plenty of stories about Passover. I like Passover Magic, which is the PJ Library selection. I also like Abuelita’s Secret Matzah, Miriam’s Cup and Nachson who was afraid to swim. The Boulder News did a review of many http://boulderjewishnews.org/2014/passover-childrens-books/ and there are 381 books for children about Passover on Amazon! My collection of children’s books and cookbooks are out on the table in the social hall. Please feel free to browse!
  13. Plug in a video. The 10 Commandments, The Price of Egypt, Shalom Sesame are always favorites. Anyone see the new movie Exodus?
  14. Shake the seder itself up. Go outdoors to a park (out in the wilderness). Turn your dining room into a Bedouin tent. Sit on pillows. Do a chocolate seder, a Dr. Seuss seder, a baseball seder, a magic seder. I ordered a new this year haggadah. The Baseball Hagaddah! One idea that we did last year was featured by the Shalom Center. It was very flattering to be named one of the top 50 rabbis and Jewish educators in the country. https://theshalomcenter.org/purim-to-pesach/knowing-where-you-are-going-box-hike-family-activity
  15. Have a scavenger hunt—either as part of the shopping experience. I don’t know about you, but we are always missing red horseradish! I think I still expect my mom to call and ask me to overnight it! Or as Joan Carr, one of the national educational consultants for the Reform Movement suggested, just prior to the seder. Write clues and post them throughout the house to find all the parts needed to put on a seder plate.
  16. I am a newbie to Pinterest. But there are thousands of ideas there. I may try pinning some myself.https://www.pinterest.com/mjoyfrischklein/passover-for-kids/ Everything I looked at I said, “Ooh, that’s so cute.” Or “That would be fun.” Or “I could do that!” Other ideas can be found in Conservative Judaism’s magazine, http://www.cjvoices.org/article/a-parents-guide-to-passover/, which was a springboard for this writing, Also check out: http://urj.org/kd/_temp/41696217-1D09-6781-A17BFCBC2D9FC364/HH_passover.pdf or Interfaith Family’s website: http://www.interfaithfamily.com/holidays/passover_and_easter.shtml
  17. Share your ideas. Use the CKI Torah School Facebook page. https://www.facebook.com/groups/165247936957942/
  18. If all else fails make chocolate covered matzah with your kids. They will love it!

Don’t panic. There is still time to make this the most fun Passover ever! Thanks especially to Joan Carr, Sharon Cores, Sue Johnson, Rabbi Ari Moffic, and Susan Wyner for helping to compile this list.

From the CKI house to yours, have a fun and festive Pesach,

Rabbi Margaret

Diverse Seders in a Diverse World, A Promo and a Vision

What I just send via email to my congregation.

Our synagogue has a vision statement that includes four planks. Three of them are easy to understand. The fourth one causes some people angst. We embrace diversity. It really is very simple.

To celebrate that diversity, as the third part of a mini-series called the Passover Primer, this Thursday night, come see how Jews around the world celebrate Passover. Learn some new tricks for your seder or teach us some that work well at yours. That is part of diversity. I have collected ideas from Morocco, Afghanistan, Turkey, Ethiopia, India, Iran, Mexico and others. Leave with recipes for charoset and so much more!

Never led a seder? This class is for you. Old hat? This class is also for you as we learn ways to “spice up” the seder and make it more meaningful for everyone.

Diverse Seders in a Diverse World: Thursday night, March 26th from 7-8:30.

But what about diversity? When I first arrived at CKI it seemed that diversity was about welcoming interfaith families into our congregation. I think that when CKI adopted this plank in the Vision Statement they were mostly referring to interfaith families. We are warm and welcoming.

We are still working on doing a better job of this one—and need to.

  • For me diversity includes providing access to all—by wheeling the Torah up the aisle so that someone with mobility issues can have an aliyah. By printing copies of my sermons and putting them on the website so hearing impaired people can participate. By welcoming those with developmental delays. By training our teachers in accommodations for those with special learning needs. By providing handicapped accessible bathrooms. By providing handicapped accesible parking places. By making sure that events/membership are afforable while still staying within our budget.
  • Diversity includes being welcoming to all regardless of stream of Judaism from the most observant Orthodox member to the most classical Reform. That is a juggling act but one well worth the effort. We may not want to use the word pluralism, but I am proud of our independent synagogue.
  • By being welcoming to anyone in the LGBT community. Maybe some day we won’t even have to say that is diversity. It just is.
  • By being welcoming to any family configuration: two parents, one parent, divorced, widowed, single, kids, no kids, empty nesters, old, young, interested in services, interested in study, interested in social events. By providing programming for all types of families.
  • By continuing working with our bi-racial, multi-racial families. Did you know that we have 17 members who were not born in the US? Can you name all the countries? We also have any number of members who first language was not English. As we continue to be warm and welcoming, our congregation will continue to look diverse. For instance, we need to think about how to teach Intro to Judaism in Spanish.
  • And yes, by continuing the fine work the Keruv (draw close) committee and the vision committee have started. By making everyone feel welcome. We have made strides with our dedicating part of the cemetery for interfaith couples, by allowing non-Jews on the bimah and welcoming them to have certain honors, by teaching Intro to Judaism, by participating actively in CERL and other clergy councils.
  • By deepening the partnership, as we do, with organizations like Big Tent Judaism, InterfaithFamily.org and Keshet.

Ultimately we need to continue to create a warm and welcoming community dedicated to meaningful observance, lifelong learning and diversity. We need to create a non-judgmental space where people are free to express their ideas without fear of retribution, where gossip is at a minimum, where people are encouraged to explore and grow in their Judaism. And while we are doing that, we will continue to grow and strengthen CKI.

Sacrifices Today

I have been answering questions for Mr. Huber’s World Religion class at Wabansee Community College. I recently got one about sacrifice in Judaism. Usually we think this is an outmoded form of Judaism. We don’t practice animal sacrifice any more. And yet. And yet….
This weekend in Judaism we began reading the Book of Leviticus which is all about sacrifices. It was the subject for my sermon yesterday. In three different scrolls we read about sacrifice–then the theme continues in the haftarah. We read about sacrifice in Leviticus. We read about the special offerings for Shabbat and Rosh Hodesh in Numbers. We went back to Exodus and read about the paschal sacrifice.
Judaism is a 5000 year tradition and as such there are multiple opinions about everything. There is even a joke about two Jews, three opinions. So what follows is my opinion and part of what I said yesterday. (And thanks, helping me to write my blog post as well!)
I am not quite sure what is meant by the student who asked “do you believe in sacrifices?” From the earliest time in the Bible, there were sacrifices. Abel offered a sacrifice. Cain thought G-d loved Abel more than Cain and so killed Abel. Noah offered sacrifices. Abraham almost offered Isaac as a sacrifice. Jacob made offerings. There is the paschal sacrifice that Passover is based on. Leviticus formalizes this. The Temple in Jerusalem is based on a sacrificial system and some Jews pray every day for a return to that system. So yes, Judaism believes in sacrifice.
But let’s look at this closer. The word sacrifice in English comes from the Latin and means “to do sacred, holy rites” or maybe to have a ritual. It also has a sense, a connotation of to give somethint up.  As in “I have sacrificed for my child.” or “It was a big sacrifice to give up chocolate for Lent.”
The Hebrew is a little different. Let’s start with the word avodah. It means sacrifice or service or work. We talk about “Al shlosha devarim, al haTorah, al ha’avodah, al gemilut chasadim. On three things the world stands. On Torah, on service, on acts of lovingkindness.” This word has fascinated me. When the Israelites were slave in Egypt, they were avadim. When they were freed, they became avadei Adonai, servants of the Lord, same root. In the daily service we say, “V’tahair libenu l’avdecha b’emet. Purify or cleanse our hearts so that we may serve You in truth.” Somehow these words are all related.
But there is another Hebrew word, Korban, for sacrifice. This word comes from the root “to draw close.” Ultimately what a sacrifice in Judaism is, whether an avodah sacrifice or a korban sacrifice, is to draw close to G-d. My professor, Dr. Nehemia Polen at Hebrew College in Boston, believe that the entire book of Leviticus is a reset button. The Israelites wanted to recapture the feeling that they had when they stood at the foot of Mount Sinai, or when the Sea of Reeds parted. They wanted to draw close to G-d.
After the destruction of the Second Temple in 70 CE sacrifice was no longer an option in Judaism. So study and prayer replaced sacrifice. The Talmud teaches, “One time, when Rabban Yochanan ben Zakkai was walking in Jerusalem with Rabbi Joshua, they arrived at where the Temple now stood in ruins. “Woe to us” cried Rabbi Joshua, “for this house where atonement was made for Israel’s sins now lies in ruins!” Answered Rabban Yochanan, “We have another, equally important source of atonement, the practice of gemilut hasadim (“loving kindness”), as it is stated “I desire loving kindness and not sacrifice” (Hosea 6:6) Our own homes are little sanctuaries.
So ultimately sacrifices are a way to make us holy, kadosh, set apart. They are a way of enabling us to draw close to G-d. As such, they are still relevent, but not as animal sacrifices. Not planning a barbecue in the synagogue parking lot, as I often say. Instead, my sacrifices, my offerings, are study, prayer and deeds of loving kindness. I encourage you to join me. Our sacrifices are not something that we give up–it is a service of the heart, something that draws us closer to G-d and helps us build community.

Israeli Elections

By now the polls are closed in Israel and you are probably wondering why am I writing now. I am writing now because I care passionately about Israel.

I am writing now because whatever the outcome of today’s election, we will have to deal with the consequences.

I am writing now because while I have an opinion, even a strong opinion, I am not sure it is my job as an American to voice it. Nor as a Jew. Nor as a Jewish professional. It is not my place to influence the Israeli election. (even though I would have liked to).

I think there were some remarkable things about this election season in Israel. How a sitting prime minister came to the United States at the invitation of the Speaker of the House to talk about Iran. How that seemed to only elicit a point bump up in the Israeli polls. How 40,000 people in Israel—that is a huge number in Israel—turned out to protest a sitting prime minister and his campaign. How like American politics there was a split between those focused on foreign policy and domestic policy. How like American politics there were charges and counter-charges and lots of fear mongering. Is it the economy or security? Can it be both? Is it a two state solution or can there only be one state?

It is times like these where I am glad that I am a congregational rabbi in a small town. And while I have opinions and I try to foster open, honest, safe, non-judgmental conversation, my opinion ultimately does not matter. Does not count. Only my vote would count. And I can’t vote in the Israeli elections.

I can vote in the World Zionist Organization elections and I have done so. I encourage you to do so. http://www.wzo.org.il/world-zionist-organization

Are there problems in Israel? You bet. And it is OK to name them. It is not, as some have suggested, “airing our dirty linen in public. The problems include:

  • How we treat women, so I partner with Women of the Wall
  • How we approach human rights violations so I partner with Rabbis for Human Rights and Truah
  • How we approach poverty, so I partner with NIF and Hazon
  • How we approach pluralism, so I partner with the Israeli Religious Action Center
  • How we approach peace making, so I partner with JStreet

Perhaps you do not agree with my position. That’ OK. In Judaism, there is always more than one opinion—and room for more than one opinion. That is how we show our support. Find one thing you can do to help Israel and do it.

No matter what the outcome of today’s election may be, I will continue to stand by Israel. By individual Israelis, friends and acquaintances who are forced to make hard choices in their day to day lives. I will continue to stand by Israel as they work for peace. I will continue to work for peace, behind the scenes from here in the US mostly. I will continue to seek peace and pursue it, here and in Israel, when it is easy and when it is hard. Maybe one day, Jeremy Ben Ami and Benjamin Netanyahu can co-exist side by side like their books do on my office book shelf. I will continue to pray for peace every single day.

Purim, Esther and IVAWA

Purim is over. I had a lot of fun. It is supposed to be fun. There was singing and laughter. Noisemakers and decorations. Costumes and games. And hamantaschen. Got to have hamantaschen. Yesterday I spent the afternoon after the Purim Carnival delivering home-baked hamantaschen to our “senior-seniors.” For the most part those are the ones over 85. At the request of a 99 year old woman, I brought Caleb. In every home there were smiles. OK—so how often do you see the rabbi, an adult, grown woman dressed in a tutu with a tiara arriving at your door with a goodie bag, daffodils and a dog? You gotta smile. Or maybe even laugh.

And that is what Purim is about. We laugh. We make merry because we survived. I laugh. I make merry because I survived.

Yesterday was also International Women’s Day. March is Women’s History Month. Later this week we will also celebrate Scout Shabbat, the Sabbath closest to the Girl Scout Birthday, March 12.

Why is this confluence of dates important? What is the role of women in Judaism? For one thing, we rely on women to pass down the tradition. Whether it was Rebecca who ensured that the covenant went to Jacob or Tzipporah who took matters into her own hands, quite literally circumcising her son or Ruth who promised that our people will be her people and our G-d, her G-d.

And then there is Esther. Esther who was an orphan living with her uncle, who in a fairy tale beauty pageant becomes the queen. Esther who Mordechai begs needs to save her people. She is afraid. She is unsure. She says no. Then Mordechai says, “Perhaps this is the moment for which you have been created.” (Esther 4:14) It is the point of the story where the plot action changes. Esther changes her mind. She finds her voice. She goes to the king. She saves her people. It is powerful.

All of us have a moment like that. “Perhaps this is the moment for which you have been created.” What moment is that for you?

One of those moments for me, is when I realized that one out of three girls will be raped, abused or physically tortured sometime in her lifetime. That is more, much more than the one in eight women who will get breast cancer in her lifetime. I have spoken out about this a great deal. Sometimes I feel like a broken record. I wrote part of my rabbinic thesis on this topic. I served on the Jewish Domestic Violence Coalition in Massachusetts. I have staffed hotlines. I am now the chair of the 16th Circuit Court Faith Watch Committee on Family Violence. I partner with Elgin’s Community Crisis Center whose annual fundraiser and auction is this weekend.

For a year now I have been a Global Justice Fellow with American Jewish World Service. They have paid to train me in how to organize. How to find my voice. How to empower others to find theirs. I have participated in deep text study with colleagues around the country. I have made new friends. I travelled to Los Angeles to learn the Wellstone Organizing Method. It has helped me be a better congregational rabbi. It has helped me learn how to build coalitions.

I brought a team to meet with Congressman Peter Roskam. I met Senator Dick Durbin. I made Valentine’s to thank Senator Kirk. I am looking forward to a policy summit in May in Washington and a trip to Guatamala to see how AJWS partners put these organizing principles into practice. It has been exciting. Thrilling.

Now for the good news. American Jewish World Service for the past year has been working on its WeBelieve campaign, to reduce violence against women and girls and the LGBT community worldwide. This campaign has taken on urgency as we watched with horror as the girls in Nigeria were kidnapped. As part of our training in December, my fellow rabbis and I committed to work on a petition to the US Congress to reintroduce the International Violence Against Women Act. We have had over 500 rabbis sign representing every state in the union except Wyoming. I was delighted to work my own personal network and get the one rabbi in Idaho who is the husband of a college roommate to sign!

On Friday, Congress reintroduced IVAWA. It has broad bi-partisan support. It felt especially good as Purim was ending and Shabbat was beginning. It felt like that Esther moment, “Perhaps this is the moment for which you are created.”

Violence against women will not end overnight. The research however is undeniably clear and why AJWS is working so hard on this. If you can reduce violence against women, you reduce poverty levels as well.

Please join with me. Support IVAWA. Sign the petition. ecure.ajws.org/site/Advocacy?cmd=display&page=UserAction&id=661

Speak out. Speak up. Be like Esther. If we succeed, it will can celebrate. It will be fun.

“Perhaps this is the moment for which you are created.”

My Own Vision of the Rabbinate Part Two: Life Long Learning

What I just emailed my congregation to explain how I see life long learning.

When I was a kid my family never went to Disneyworld or Disneyland or even Cedar Point. It wasn’t educational enough. Our vacations were spent in the forests of Michigan museums of major cities or even one glorious trip to Europe where I learned while my mother did laundry in Paris the importance of learning a foreign language (or two or three). That is a story for another time.

Education was important to my family. It was always seen as a Jewish value. And it is. However, having just returned from Orlando, I have discovered that Disney can be an educational experience. That too is a story for another time.

Our synagogue has a vision statement with four planks. One of them is life-long learning. As I did with meaningful observance in a recent post, here is my vision of life-long learning as we approach my second three-year contract:

Life-long learning is precisely that. Life-long. Cradle to grave. I was recently in the home of a young mother with an infant. I was delighted to see the Jewish books on their shelves. For all members of the family, including the baby. PJ Library is a great resource for building a Jewish library in your homes for your children.http://www.pjlibrary.org/communities/jewish-federation-chicago/38  Singing Jewish songs with your young children, making hamantaschen, lighting Shabbat candles, searching for the Afikomen, activities that engage all the senses are important in early development and build a connection that lasts. I am delighted we have such a talented pre-school teacher in Wendy Barrash. She really motivates the young ones and they want to be at CKI!

Hebrew School and Torah School is important. Although the research shows it may not be the most important tool for inspiring kids to be adult Jews. I am thrilled that with the hard work of our dedicated director, Nina Finn, our teachers, our ed committee under the leadership of Sue Johnson and Barb Razowsky and our parents our school has grown from 17 kids when I got here to 39. The more critical mass we have the more fun we can have. Having an excellent Hebrew School, not just one that is “good enough” is a clear marketing point for the synagogue and one of the ways to grow the shul.

Part of what is making us successful has been the access to monies from two grant that enabled us to buy computers and desks as well as monies from the Clara Wechter fund. That fund is running dangerously low and we need to re-fund it so that it continues to be a source for special projects, teacher training, curriculum materials, etc.

Programs like Judaism Rocks and Mitkadem promote learning and fun. The best way to promote the excellent things that are happening is by word-of-mouth. Some of our newer families have come because they have learned about it from others in the community. Lifelong friendships—between the students obviously and maybe less apparently between the parents who hang out of Sunday mornings. If you look at the congregation’s current leadership team, many of them met hanging out on Sunday mornings bringing their kids to Torah School and becoming involved.

We need to continue to attract students past their Bar and Bat Mitzvah into Chai School and the youth group. Most of our students do continue through aiding in the Hebrew School or into our confirmation program. We need to make the case of why it is important for parents to bring their students to services.

When you read the literature about what makes adult Jews choose to remain involved (there is SO much that competes for all our time, not just the kids and extra-curricular activities.) there are four things that are mentioned consistently. Jewish summer camp, youth group, a college level course about Judaism and a trip to Israel.

Many of our students go to some kind of Jewish summer camp. If you need suggestions of what might be good for your child, please speak to me. Liza Bachrach together now with Elise Kleinman, has been doing a great job ensuring that our kids, 5th grade to high school have the opportunity to be social outside of CKI within a Jewish context. I am excited about the new Jewish Student Connection that the Prairie Jewish Coalition together with CKI is sponsoring for all of our 8th-high school school.  Particularly in these pivotal grades, critical mass is so important and many of our students feel isolated as Jews in their suburban high schools.

Birthright is a great opportunity for our students 18-26 to experience an all-expense paid 10-day trip to Israel. Many of our youth have now done it. Then expanding the experience through other opportunities to work, study or have an internship is a wonderful way to deepen our connection to the Jewish people and to the State of Israel. Encourage your young people to consider it.

Never been to Israel yourself? We are trying to put together a congregational trip. Nina Finn and Stew Levin are heading that committee. Interested in going. Make sure they know! It will be a life-changing experience.

In terms of adult learning, we have added a substantial number of programs since I have been here.  Rosh Hodesh looking at spirituality for each month. Kiddush Rountable to talk about Jews in the News. It would be my hope that as the congregation moves forward we have at least two formal adult learning opportunities per month. One that is inward facing and one that helps us to explain Judaism to the outside world. That could be Matzah in the Aisle or any of the fine programs co-sponsored with Big Tent Judaism. Something with Interfaithfamily.org and the wonderful work Rabbi Ari Moffic is doing. Something with National Jewish Outreach Project, like our new Adult Hebrew program or Shabbat Across America. Something with the Prairie Jewish Coalition, Gail Borden Library or some other venue.

I would like to suggest the following as well:

·      Taste of Limmud Elgin to encourage serious adult study. Possibly partnering with PJC.

·      Thursday Beit Midrash, house of study, where there might be two or three things offered that evening, one text based, one Hebrew, one “fun”

·      Exploring the possibility of having some of our lay leaders teach what they know. Classes could be but are not limited to Parsha Ha’shavua, Hebrew, Adult B’nei Mitzvah Class, Introduction to Judaism, American Jewish History through Food and Film. Jewish Art. Cooking. Jews in Baseball. The possibilities are limitless. If there is something you would like to teach, just let me know.

·      Pairing congregants up so that they can study themselves in some kind of chevruta relationship

·      Looking at Chai Mitzvah.

·      Exploring the possibility of a weekend retreat or Shabbaton

·      Scholar-in-residence weekend.

This March seems to be Adult Study month at CKI. Here are the offerings:

  • Adult Hebrew. Every other Sunday morning. We met this past Sunday and we currently have 12 enrolled. Through a grant from the National Jewish Outreach Project this class is free to synagogue members. Not too late to join. Next class is Sunday, March 15.
  • Java and Jews, March 3 at Starbucks in South Elgin at 8 AM, Blue Box in Elgin at 11:30 and Calibre at 5. A chance to spend time with the rabbi, explore a topic and get any questions answered you might have about Judaism.
  • Instead of Intro to Judaism which we offered last year, this year we are offering a Passover Primer, a three part mini-series. People need hands-on, practical ways to celebrate Judaism. Did you know that Passover is the most celebrated of Jewish holidays? Whether you change your dishes over and do a full seder or just get together for a family meal, most Jewish families do something for Passover. However, it can be intimidating and stressful. We at CKI aim to take the stress out of Passover. So come join us for an hour and a half on Thursdays, one or all of the sessions.
  • 7:00-8:30 PM, March 12, 19 and 26th
  • March 12: Making a seder: From Charoset to Matzah Balls to Brisket, with Vegan, Gluten Free, Low Cholesterol and Diabetic friendly options. A hands-on tasting extravaganza. Recipes and shopping tips provided
  • March 19 The Story of the Passover: How to Pick A Hagaddah that Works for You
  • March 26: Diverse Seders in a Diverse World. New seder tips, tricks to engage everyone at your table. How do we include our interfaith relatives? What is the connection between Easter and Passover? What if my kid wants to dye eggs?

March 25th: the next Book Group meeting. Join us to discuss the book Eve.

Looking ahead, the fun continues.

April 3: 7:00-8:30 AM. Yes, that is AM! Fast of the First Born.
Ah Sweet Release! Release of the Israelites, Release of the Land, Release of Debts. A Modern look at Sh’mita.

Those of us who are “first born” are obligated to fast on the day before Pesach. Unless we complete studying something and can therefore celebrate! So come, one, come all, even if you are not a first born. We will look at the concept of Sh’mita since this is a sh’mita year.

Shabbat afternoon from April 4th to Shavuot immediately following Kiddush. Text study of Pirke Avot. There are six chapters of this lovely piece of Talmud. Come learn the Wisdom of our Fathers as we move from Passover to Shavuaot, 49 days after the second night of Passover. We will do a chapter a week for about an hour.

Sunday, April 19th at 6:30 PM as part of Yom HaShoah come hear Kurt Jacoby’s story of living in Shanghai ghetto during World War II. One of 23,000 Jews who lived in Shanghai, Kurt’s story is moving and poignant. And this year in particular it fits with our focus on learning about Jews around the world.

Every Shabbat there is an opportunity to learn together as we gather for services. Every time we discuss the news of the day from a Jewish perspective we are engaging in life long learning. The interesting thing is when deepening adult study and the Hebrew School, we actually build community at the same time!

Meaningful Observance

What I just sent to my congregation about “meaningful observance”

Earlier this week I signed my contract for the next three years at Congregation Kneseth Israel. It was just three years ago that I heard of CKI, when I was sitting in Ogunquit trying to figure out my vision of my rabbinate. The director of placement at the Academy for Jewish Religion sent me CKI’s profile and by the end of the evening, my birthday, I had finished my application. Their vision of their synagogue and what they wanted from a spiritual leader and my vision were just that similar. I was excited. It seemed “beshert”, destined.

Their vision, now my vision, is that CKI is a place for meaningful observance, lifelong learning, embracing diversity and building community. Some days it is hard to separate those out. If we teach alef-bet Hebrew to adults and the students become friends, is that lifelong learning or building community? If we welcome people with physical disabilities by rolling the Torah up the aisle on the “shtender” is that embracing diversity or meaningful observance or building community?

I began writing my vision of my rabbinate for the next three years based on these four pillars. Today I want to share “Meaningful Observance”. I view this as a work in progress and something I do in partnership with the leadership of CKI, not in a vacuum by myself. That partnership is critical to our success and part of what CKI said that they wanted when that initial packet arrived via email to my hotel in Ogunquit.

Meaningful Observance:

When I arrived in Elgin for my demo weekend, I asked the ritual chairperson what he wanted out of services. He said, “Just make them meaningful.” I later learned that when Congregation Kneseth Israel was formulating its vision and had a series of focus groups and some surveying, only 17% of the congregation was interested in services. This statistic is not surprising, when you realize that the largest growing group of Jews are the ones according to the recent Pew Study are the “nones”, those that identify as Jews but are not “religious”.

Yet, people want something. Wedding couples say they want a “spiritual” ceremony, not a “religious” one. And still they want a chuppah, a glass, and seven blessings. All “religious” trappings.  People want me as the rabbi to be the observant one but they want to eat whatever they want and do whatever they want on Shabbat.

We have several opportunities to explore the spiritual side of Judaism. Tonight the Rosh Hodesh group will meet again at 7PM. We will focus on the new month of Adar, the one in which Purim falls, so we are commanded to “Be Happy, It’s Adar.” How does this commandment color the month? How can we address Tevye’s question, “How much longer can we be joyful, even when our hearts lie panting on the floor?”

The next opportunity to explore the “spiritual side” will be Saturday afternoon, February 28th from 4-6. We will again have a mincha-havdalah service late in the afternoon. The service will last about an hour and will again be an opportunity to experience the gift of slowing down, being a little more meditative and focusing on healing of mind and spirit. Then we will conclude with havdalah, the brief poignant, bittersweet, service that separates Shabbat from the rest of the week. And food. There has to be food. That is part of meaningful observance and building community!

Purim also we be an opportunity to experience meaningful observance. And silliness. Which can be part of meaningful observance.

We at CKI do a pretty good job of meaningful observance. We rarely if ever lack a minyan (the last time was kever avot 5774). Something must be right. We have added the choir and the band back into the mix. People seem to like my sermons or discussions. They too deepen the conversation. They too are designed to build community. We have talented lay leaders who can lead most if not all of the service, some who can read or chant Haftarah and some who can read Torah.

And yet, sometimes services feel flat. And some people are intimidated by the amount of Hebrew (or something), even with transliteration guides. Parents say they are never coming on Saturday morning. Saturday afternoon experiences designed to lower the barriers, provide a shorter approach have been meaningful for the ones who have showed but have been under-attended.

The question comes up—do we play for those who are here or the ones that are not? Do we try to figure out why people aren’t here or what they may find meaningful? What is meaningful for those who are? This is a national conversation, and not just Jews. Churches struggle with the same issues.

I am not sure I have the answers to these questions yet, but it is what keeps me awake at night. One of the questions becomes what is meaningful to you may not be to your neighbor. What was meaningful in the last generation may not be today.

Questions that cross my desk frequently include, can we Skype a minyan? What about the cameras on Shabbat? What about our cell phones? What about music/ Whose music? What is the role of music? I like the old traditional music, I don’t want to learn new melodies. Do we need a kosher kitchen? Why can’t we have a potluck? Does wine need a hecksher? Why is scotch with honey not kosher? Why is Coke without a hecksher still considered kosher? What is meaningful about any of these questions?

Recently I received several questions about G-d. One told me that Jews don’t talk about G-d. I have heard this before. When I was an undergraduate, I went to the campus rabbi who explained in good Maimonides fashion that G-d is limitless and to discuss G-d is to put a limit on G-d so that was the end of the discussion.

I won’t ever do that. As Jews it is important to discuss G-d, even if we cannot as humans fully express our feelings. Even if human language is not adequate. In the morning service we say, “If our mouths overflowed with song as the sea, if our tongues surged with joy as the waves, if our lips could praise as endlessly as the sky, if our eyes could match the sun’s radiance, if our arms had the reach of eagles’ wings, if our legs could carry us as far as the deer, even then, our God and God of our ancestors, our thanks wouldn’t even come close to matching all the gifts You have given to our fathers, to our mothers, and to us.” And yet, from my perspective, we have to continue to try. And try again and again. That is the root of meaningful observance. Not because we have to, or from a sense of Jewish guilt, or because we have always done it before even if we don’t understand it, but because we want to, because it brings us closer to G-d.

I think what it is that people want when they talk about meaningful observance is something that is positive. Some clues to lead their lives in a positive way. A non-judgmental space where people don’t have to be afraid to discuss these very deep and meaningful topics without fear of reprisals. A place where they can be happy and celebrate joyful events or where they can be sad and receive the comfort they need. These are examples of meaningful observance. It is my sacred job to create that environment. I do so in partnership with my ritual committee.

So this month I will be reading two books. Finding Joy, a Kabbalistic Approach to Finding G-d and Making Prayer Real.

What do you mean by meaningful observance. What is it to you? How do you know when you have experienced it. Come partner with me to live out the vision. Come explore prayer. Come find meaning and community.

And, thanks for putting your trust in me. I am excited about the next three years.

Valentine’s Day: The Long Red Line

Love is in the air. And while Valentine’s Day has its roots in Catholic tradition, and even earlier in pagan mythology, today we are going to talk about love and healthy relationships.

This has been an odd Valentine’s Day week. Three Jewish organizations have wanted me to do programming for Valentine’s Day. And perhaps that is an interesting commentary on assimilation, but that is a discussion for another day.

Yet is a far different cry from the year I worked for a synagogue that was renting space to a parachoical day school and the rabbi went through the building tearing child-made Valentine’s off the school bulletin boards.

American Jewish World Service, where I am a Global Justice Fellow asked me to ask my congregation to make Valentine’s for Senator Kirk. Why? Because he has been instrumental for his sponsorship of the International Violence Against Women Act. Tuesday night the women who gathered for our own sisterhood program on Love Poetry, did precisely that and the Valentines from throughout the Illinois will be hand-delivered on Thursday to his Chicago office.

There are many kinds of love. The Bible itself actually shows us some.

One story reads like a Hollywood script. Isaac is meditating in the field. He lifts up his eyes. He sees Rebecca. She alights from her camel. OK—she falls off her camel. Isaac took Rebecca to his mother’s tent and he loved her. The first time the word, ahava, love is used in the Torah. He was comforted by her after his mother, Sarah, had died.

We are told to honor our father and mother. To love our neighbor as ourselves. To love G-d with all our heart, with all our soul, with all our might. Each of these tells us about a different kind of love. Love of parents. Love of neighbor. Love of G-d.

But we have other examples of love gone awry. Abraham threw away Ishmael and then tried to sacrifice Isaac. He died alone, not able to reconcile with his two sons.

Cain killed Abel because he thought that G-d couldn’t love both of them. He was afraid there wasn’t enough love to go around. We have similar issues of sibling rivalry with Jacob and Esau. We have Issac loving Esau and Rebecca loving Jacob. They are playing favorites. Again, there seems to not be enough love to go around. This continues with Jacob favoring Joseph with that famous Technicolor dream coat. So much that Joseph’s brothers want to kill him. They leave him in a well for dead and then sell him into slavery.

We are not able to legislate a feeling. You can’t make someone love someone else, but this morning’s portion, called Mishpatim, laws and many of the subsequent ones are about how set up a society based on trust. It tells us to take care of the widow, the orphan, the stranger, the most marginalized among us.

Taken together, the laws in the Torah teach us how to live in a relationship.Taken together, they teach us that there is enough love to go around.  Every day we thank G-d for G-d’s love of us, for giving us Torah, for setting those limits, like a parent does for a child. Then we pledge to love G-d with all our heart, soul and might. And teach those very words diligently to our own children.

Jewish Women International declared that this Shabbat is Shabbat L’Amour, the Sabbath of Love. We at Congregation Kneseth Israel are participating as part of this approach. What does our Jewish tradition teach us about healthy relationships? How can we prevent violence in our own lives.

We began this conversation last night. One woman correctly said that it begins with finding inner peace. We talked about Shalom Aleichem, the song to welcome Shabbat, greeting the angels of Shabbat and each other.

Rabbi Susan Shankman teaches the classic midrash about this song: every Friday night, Jews are accompanied home from synagogue by two angels. When the angels arrive, if everything is prepared, the table is set, the house is clean, and the family dressed for Shabbat, the good angel says, “So may it be next Shabbat,” and the evil angel is obligated to say, “Amen.” If, however, the home is in disarray, the food burnt, and the family not ready to greet the Sabbath – or, even worse, engaged in arguments – the evil angel says, “So may it be next Shabbat,” and the good angel is obligated to say, “Amen.”

But she adds an important piece: It is worth noting that neither angel says, “May it always be so.” The phrase, “So may it be next Shabbat” reminds us that the possibility of real change exists at all times. Indeed each and every Shabbat gives us the opportunity to be inspired to make a distinction between the ordinary and the sacred. Each week we are given the chance to devote new energy toward creating peace.

Then using JWI’s conversation guide we talked about what Shalom Bayit looks like in our own home. We asked how we can ensure our relationships, our romantic ones and non-romantic ones can be blessed from week to week. And we talked about what we want to bless our children with—peace, love, happiness, a good night’s sleep, the gift of a good name and living up to that good name.

Shabbat can help us create those blessings, including Shalom Bayit. It is the pause that refreshes. It is, as we sing in V’shamru, the sign of the covenant between G-d and the children of Israel for all time. It is a sign of G-d’s love for us. We are told to keep the Sabbath, to guard it, to make it holy. We used to observe the Sabbath by offering special sacrifices in the Holy Temple. We no longer have the Temple today but we still make the time and space of Shabbat holy. Part of how we do that is by making our own homes a mikdash me’at, a little Temple, a sanctuary, by creating festive meals and gathering around the table. By setting aside the time. By lighting candles and making Kiddush.

Rabbi Seth Winberg points out that we are good at guarding our houses. We are attentive to fixing leaks and cracks, cleaning the kitchen. But guarding our homes is about more than the physical integrity. It is about that shalom bayit. The Haftarah this morning also talked about this. People would give money to the priests to make the repairs needed to the Temple. They were not necessarily doing them. They violated the people’s trust. The king had to step in and restore that trust, that shalom bayit. He needed to heal a relationship that was broken. That is never easy.

Many of us have a mezuzah on the door to our homes. Some kiss it on the way in; some on the way out. This visible sign serves as a reminder to speak about the words of Torah at home and on the way, when we lie down and when we rise up. Recently we added one to the door to the garage. Why? Because that is the way we usually go in and out. It is a physical sign to leave the outside world with all of its busy-ness, hurriedness, petty arguments, heavy baggage outside and to concentrate on creating that sanctuary inside our home. We are also trying to put our electronic devices down through meals—again trying to concentrate on each other and create that holy space, that mikdash me’at.

In some families, at that festive Shabbat table, they read Eshet Chayil, from Proverbs 31:10-31. It begins, “A Woman of Valor, who can find, for her price is far above rubies.” In our house we use it as a check list. Yes, I gave food to my workers. Yes, I rose while it was still night. Yes, I reached out my hands to the needy. No, despite its beauty, I still fear when it snows (and yes, I am worried about the blizzard affecting Boston this weekend). No I don’t always open my mouth with kindness. That is the one that is the hardest for me to work on. And if I could consistently, that mikdash me’at would be much more holy.

My mother, the feminist, hated this reading. She felt it objectified women. So we did not use it at her funeral, although it is used at many and is midrashically linked as Abraham’s eulogy for Sarah. I disagreed with my mother.

The woman portrayed in Eshet Chayil, is a accomplished, active, modern woman. She buys property, invests her money, manages the home and takes care of the children and her husband who rise up and call her blessed. They show their love and devotion to her.

It is an opportunity as well for the man of the house to express publically that he cherishes his wife. To appreciate her. In our house we also read part of Psalm One, praising the man of the house, so that there is a parallel opportunity to express appreciation.

Jewish Women International asked some important questions about Eshet Chayil in their guide for Shabbat L’Amour. Do you feel valued and appreciated? For what would you like to be acknowledged? How can you convey that to your partner, colleagues and friends? Is it difficult to receive a compliment? Do you say thank you or it was nothing? How does your response affect the person giving the compliment? What is so hard about receiving praise?

The guide contains several useful tools from our tradition for creating this sense of peace. Baking challah. Preparing a meal and even doing the dishes together so no one is unduly burdened. It is centered around peace, gratitude and renewal. I remember fondly the rabbi at Tufts saying, “Eat s l o w l y. It’s Shabbes.”

Today was also Shabbat Shekelim, one of the special Sabbaths with an extra reading. Essentially a census taking and a half-shekel tax, it tells the Israelites that they need to stand up and be counted.

Later in the day, I stood up and was counted. At the Gail Borden Library, I stood and I danced and I prayed as part of The Long Red Line. We wove a long red line of scarves. We marched through the rotunda of the library to say never again. We were over 100 strong. We were a coalition of the Community Crisis Center, Coalition of Elgin Religious Leaders, the Elgin Police Department, the Fox Valley Citizens for Peace and Justice, Elgin Community College and the YWCA to name some of us. It is part of a wider international movement, One Billion Rising. One in three women experience violence against them. That is one billion women worldwide. I am one of those women. I am a survivor. I am lucky. I had people all along the way teach me how to survive. I have become a success story and so I speak out and tell others that they too can survive. And I pray that it does not happen to any other women, even as I know it does and it will. So I act.

So I  rise to say NO MORE. Violence is never OK.

This is the prayer that I wrote and I read:

We rise.
We rise and we pray.
We pray and we march.
Our feet are praying.

We pray and we rise.

For the victims of violence everywhere.
For the women and the girls,
The men and the boys.
For the survivors of violence.
We pray for the survivors.

For the courage.
For the courage we need.
To put one foot in front of another
Just to survive
For the courage to rise
To stand up and be counted
To speak up
To say that violence is not the answer
Violence is not OK
Violence is never OK.

We rise and we pray.

But rising and praying is not enough.
It is the first step.
It is only the first step.

We rise and we pray that we act.

We pledge to act:
To end child abuse.
To end child marriage
To end the dehumanization of women
To end rape
To end domestic violence.
To end violence

We pray and we rise.

Please join with me as we take that first step. We rise, with one billion other people, all over the world. We join our feet, our hands with them as we put our fingers in the air. We are one billion rising. Amen.

Then we stood, with our single fingers in the air. It felt like all the pieces of my life were coming together as one. It was a very powerful moment. And we took the first step forward. What are the steps you can take?

  • You can begin at home, by creating a holy space, a mikdash me’at, filled with shalom bayit, peace of the house.
  • You can create holy time, celebrating Shabbat.
  • You can appreciate the people around you and remember to say thank you.
  • You can create an attitude of gratitude.
  • You can model how be in healthy relationships, with parents, with children, with partners, with communities, with congregations and with G-d.
  • You can tell people that you love them.
  • You can know that you are lovable. That you are loved.
  • You can join others in coalitions such as One Billion Rising, Jewish Women International, American Jewish World Service, the Community Crisis Center.
  • You can sign the petition asking Congress to pass the International Violence Against Women Act. https://secure.ajws.org/site/Advocacy?cmd=display&page=UserAction&id=661
  • If you are a victim or survivor, reach out for help. Contact the Community Crisis Center’s 24 hour a day hotline. http://www.crisiscenter.org at 847 697 4088. They have amongst the most talented crisis counselors I have ever worked with.

What a good way to celebrate Valentine’s Day from within a Jewish context. Love. It is in the air. Now off to enjoy dinner and a movie with my husband, snuggled by the fire. A rare evening at home. Grateful for heat, and light and warmth, good food and a loving husband.

Of Birthdays, Misheberachs and Yahrzeits

I just sent this to my congregation to help explain three important things about community. It seemed like it might help other people too, wherever you are.

I just spoke to someone who works for the State of Illinois. He is not working today. It is Lincoln’s Birthday. I remember Lincoln’s Birthday so fondly as a kid in Evanston. We always built a Lincoln Log cabin as a centerpiece. It was fun. Somehow President’s Day isn’t quite the same thing.

Here at Congregation Kneseth Israel we are trying to do a better job of celebrating birthdays. Our president now sends out an email to each member that has a birthday that month inviting them to a special Shabbat service to honor all the birthdays of that month. Then we have a special birthday blessing and a very special, beautifully decorated, home made, yummy birthday cake.

Why is this important? Because it is part of community. Because we like to celebrate the joyous things. Because individuals want to be acknowledged and recognized.

We recognize individuals in other ways as well. We maintain a misheberach list. A list of people who need prayers, blessings for healing—of body or spirit. This list now gets updated weekly. We recently sent an email to everyone who added someone to the list to see if their person(s) should still be listed. Sometimes the names get announced from the bimah, but only if I have the permission of the person requesting the misheberach. Some names are added by the people who are sitting in the congregation that service. Most of the names get read silently while we are singing.

Is the misheberach list just for those in the hospital? No. Is it just for people who have a serious illness? No. The prayer asks for a complete or full healing for mind, body and spirit. It could be for someone who has a long-term disability, who is suffering from a chronic illness, who spirit needs boosting. You don’t have to say why you are adding the name to the list.

It is important to know with the relatively new HIPPA laws, the hospitals cannot call us to tell us you are in the hospital so unless you or a friend or relative call, we do not know. And we do not share that information unless you give us permission. So call us. We care.

If you, yourself are in need of healing, you may need other things. Meals, transportation to medical appointments, babysitting, shoveling. These are things your CKI community can help with. It is part of being community.

The third way we acknowledge people is with our yahrzeit list. This is the list of people whose anniversary of death we are commemorating. Our ritual chairperson, Paul Glaser, will send you a letter about a month in advance reminding you of the upcoming date.

Since we do not have a daily minyan, service, we read these names on Shabbat. There is no Jewish law that dictates whether we read those names on the Shabbat before or the Shabbat after. We have decided to read on the Shabbat before. What happens if the yahrzeit is actually a Friday? We read on the Friday before because by the time services start, it is really the next day in the Jewish tradition. We can be flexible with this. Just let me know when you want the name read.

We recently discovered that Paul’s letter and the list in HaKol did not agree on the dates. Both lists were computer generated. We think we have fixed the glitch but if you have any questions, please call me.

Some congregations have the tradition of people rising for mourner’s kaddish only if they are saying kaddish for a loved one. Some congregations, especially since the Holocaust, have the tradition of always rising for mourner’s kaddish. Here, where we embrace diversity, we have some who stand and some who sit. I will usually say, “If you are reciting Kaddish for a love one or always have the tradition of standing, please join with me.”

This is yet another way we acknowledge people and a way we building community. Another way we build community is by sponsoring a Kiddush or Oneg Shabbat. Some have a tradition of sponsoring for a simcha—a birthday, an anniversary, a retirement. Some for a yahrzeit. Sitting around eating and schmoozing is part of what we are all about.