Warning. This sermon comes with a trigger warning. Take care of yourself. If you need to walk out into the social hall or turn your camera off, that’s fine. If you need to call me after Shabbat, or reach out to another friend, that is also fine, even encouraged.
How many of you have seen Encanto? It is the new Disney movie with a very catchy song, “We don’t talk about Bruno.” It is really about intergenerational trauma. But they don’t talk about it. Except the whole point of the movie is about learning to talk about it. Because talking about it brings healing. And hope. And growth.
Our portion begins with the phrase acharei mot, after the death of Aaron’s sons. In another description of this troubling scene, Aaron remains silent. It seems the only response in a stunning moment. Aaron is in shock. We know the old adage. No one should have to bury a child. We don’t even like to talk about it. It is somehow taboo. And yet it happens. In this version, he is thrown into activity, purifying the Tent of Meeting and beginning the ritual that becomes Yom Kippur. As part of this ritual, as echoed in the Avodah service, he is instructed to make expiation, atonement for himself and his family. One could ask, may be should ask what sin did he and his family commit. But the text here is silent.
This is the last day of National Infertility Awareness Week. As their website says, “Anyone can be challenged to have a family. No matter what race, religion, sexuality or economic status you are, infertility doesn’t discriminate. Together, we can change the conversation.”
It begins by not remaining silent.
Mayo Clinic estimates that “About 10 to 20 percent of known pregnancies end in miscarriage. But the actual number is likely higher because many miscarriages occur very early in pregnancy — before you might even know about a pregnancy. Miscarriage is the spontaneous loss of a pregnancy before the 20th week”
Our matriarchs struggled with infertility. They were often “barren” We know their stories. Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel, Hannah.
Thankfully, we have learned over time. Grown. We know now that when women struggle with infertility, we should not stay silent. We should not blame the woman. We should not think that G-d is somehow causing this as a punishment or that the woman is doing something wrong. In the old days, we didn’t mark the death of a very young baby, a stillborn or a miscarriage. Now we know better. We hold funerals, shiva minyanim, all designed to help families deal with their unspeakable grief. Yes, unspeakable. There are organizations like Compassionate Friends, Hands of Hope and Jewish Childrens and Family Services that will help with the grief and emerging mental health needs. Rabbis have been trained in how to offer comfort.
Heather Paul, on staff at University of Illinois Hillel and a talented Jewish educator, recently wrote the imagined dialogue of a support group for our matriarchs, Sarah, Rebecca, Hannah, and Rachel all of whom struggled with infertility. It ends with a prayer in the mouth of the chaplain leading the support group:
“Chaplain: Amen. Thank you everyone. I’m going to offer a blessing.
Creator of Light and Darkness,
Please bring the light of life
to the darkness of our wombs
so we may know the wonders
of Your creation
Release us from this Narrow Place
where a Sea of Red will never mean
Redemption
Heal our bodies so they can hold Your light
until it is full and bright, healthy, ready to emerge
from its own Narrow Place
New lives greeting
the light of Your world
a shining redemption at last.
Blessed are You, God of our Ancestors,
Creator of Light and Life, Redeemer of All”
This is not the only thing that we used to not talk about in this week’s portion. Later in the parsha, the part we just actually read, gives us a list of “sexual sins.” Both the ritual for Yom Kippur with its scapegoat and this list of sins are ones that traditionally are read on Yom Kippur. In our congregation, even before I arrived, we read what the Conservative Movement and our machzor, the high holy day prayer book gives as an alternative reading. We read the Holiness Code from Kedoshim, the portion that we will read next week. It includes a recipe for structuring society in a positive way. It teaches us how to be holy because G-d is holy. We’ll look at it more closely next week.
Why did Acharei Mot fall out of favor? One reason is, It includes a difficult verse, a controversial verse,
וְאֶ֨ת־זָכָ֔ר לֹ֥א תִשְׁכַּ֖ב מִשְׁכְּבֵ֣י אִשָּׁ֑ה תּוֹעֵבָ֖ה הִֽוא׃
Do not lie with a male as one lies with a woman; it is an abhorrence.
This standard translation that we have all heard. That exists in our Etz Chayim.
Often times this is used as the prohibition against homosexuality. All of our translations into English go back at some levels to the King James version. But what if the simple meaning in English is not what the Hebrew says?
Rabbi David Greenstein, the former president of the Academy for Jewish Religion, now retiring from Shomrei Emunah, published an article that explained that the translation should be closer to this:
V’et zakhar: And along with another male
lo tishkav –you shall not lie
mishkevei ishah –in forced sexual intercourses with a woman;
toevah hi –it is an abomination.
He bases this on examining the word v’et. We know that et is commonly the direct object marker. His close reading of the text and comparing it with other uses of v’et leads to this jaw dropping reading and it changes everything:
“When we consider the first part of the verse, the part that mentions the persons involved in the forbidden act, we read the phrase “And with a man / v’et zakhar.” Now, the particle et may indicate the object of an action. Until now our verse in Leviticus has been read to mean that a male is prohibited to make another man the object of his sex act. But this word can have another meaning. The first place where it is unambiguous that the word et is being used in another way is in the verse, “And Enoch walked with (et) the Almighty…” (Genesis 5:24). In that verse it is clear that the particle does not signify an object indication. Rather it means “along with.” //www.keshetonline.org/resources/on-gaining-access-to-the-holy-parashat-aharei-mot-and-parashat-kedoshim/
How can we do this?
As the organization Keshet says:
“The public reading of the Torah should never be allowed to become a tool that supports the promulgation of fear, contempt or hatred of others. Such attitudes have caused tragic injuries and death to human beings who are singled out because they seem to be “different” from the majority of the community.”
This is a question that our Torah Study group routinely wrestles with. Listen to Keshet’s answer:
They go on to explain that the targum, the side by side translation of the Hebrew into Aramaic, like you might see at an international convention, so that everyone would understand the unchangeable words of Torah and keep them “eternally meaningful.. Jewish tradition and living are founded on the principle that the Torah cannot be read literally. It must be interpreted. Indeed, we celebrate the Torah because it is open to an ongoing process of such interpretation. Confronted with a new interpretation of these phrases that conflicts with the one long held, how do we know which reading to choose? We have a basic criterion. We know that the Torah is a Torah of holiness, affirming life. When we are confounded by the words of the Torah we are commanded to choose the reading that is in keeping with Her message. We choose the one that respects the humanity of others, that provides acceptance rather than condemnation. Therefore, when we read these verses in our synagogue, whether during the yearly Torah reading cycle or on Yom Kippur, this is our Targum, our interpretation for our community and, we hope, for others, as well.” Keshtt and Shomrei Emunah have turned these into stickers for prayerbooks and chumashim.
At is possible that this discussion has made you uncomfortable. That’s OK. Rabbi Greenstein would say that it is one way we enter the Holy of Holies. I would add that it is one way we grow. Talking about things that make us uncommittable is a way we break the silence, preventing additional generations of trauma.
Last night we talked about growth and making our days count. Sometimes the growth is imperceptible. So hard to see. And yet, we can see growth over time, slowly, slowly. How we respond to the death of children and women’s infertility as well as homosexuality has changed over time. Thank G-d! It shows tremendous growth. May our tradition always be a source of comfort, healing and growth.