(working backwards. Here is the previous week’s d’var Torah and discussion)
One hundred and twenty and seven. And Sarah died. In Kiryat Arba, now Hebron. (Trivia question, where is the only other reference to 127 in the Bible?)
The rabbis ask, why the extra ands. The Torah could have just said, one hundred twenty seven. Since there are no extra words in the Torah, the vuvs, the ands must come to teach us something.
The midrash explains, “when she was twenty, she was as seven for beauty […] when she was one hundred, she was as twenty for sin.” (Gen. Rabbah 58:1)
All year we are looking at leadership. Sarah was a leader. She is even designated one of the seven women prophets. How is she a leader?
- She was a creative problem solver—giving her handmaiden, Hagar to Abraham, forming the first surrogate mother.
- Abraham was told listen to her, by no less than G-d.
- She laughed at the time to come and planned for it.
- She was kind, not repeating all of G-d’s message to her husband.
After she dies, then Abraham buys a burial plot, a cave. And he eulogizes her. The midrash continues that his eulogy is Eishet Chayil, A Woman of Valor. It is an interesting way to read text, backwards and forwards. Eishet Chayil is in the Book of Proverbs, a much later text.
When I sat down for breakfast on Tuesday morning at the AJR Retreat, Eishet Chayil was part of the conversation. One colleague, Rabbi Laurie Gold, remembered that my mother never liked this reading. While I believe my mother was a woman of valor, she hated the reading and viewed it as antithetical to her feminism. She forbade using it at her funeral. In our house, I use this poem as a checklist every week. Yes, I was kind (I hope). Yes, I gave tzedakah. Yes, my candle burned at both ends—and why is that a value for a woman? Yes I gave food to my workers—and the poor. Still working on opening my mouth with wisdom and kindness.
There are some modern versions of Eishet Chayil:
This one intersperses the traditional translation with modern examples:
https://www.ritualwell.org/ritual/todays-woman-valor
While these are closer, they don’t quite make it for me. I tried to write my own once. And I tried to write for Anita Diamant who put out a call to write one for her latest version of the New Jewish Wedding book but nothing quite worked.
This week is the week before Thanksgiving. Last night we looked at things for which we might be grateful. The rabbis of the Talmud teach that we should say 100 blessings a day. Eishet Chayil is both a eulogy, a hespod in Hebrew and an ethical will, a listing of the values and blessings that we want to pass down to our children and children’s children. Some people have the tradition of writing their own ethical will—not how to disperse the physical wealth, but rather looking at the spiritual wealth and blessings. Let’s spend a few minutes starting that. Using Eishet Chayil as a model, what are those values, those blessings we want to pass down to our children and our children’s children.
Ideas that were mentioned:
- A sense of wonder
- A connection with G-d and Judaism
- Finding joy and happiness
- Meaningful work
- Work/home life balance
- A passion for lifelong learning
- A commitment to community and family
- A life of friendship
- Many hugs and puppy dog kisses, and snuggles
- Snuggling on the couch with a roaring fire
- A desire to make the world a better place
- Being caring and compassionate, warm and welcoming
Here are two samples:
http://archive.jewishagency.org/jewish-community/content/24055
Many have written ethical wills including Sholom Aleichem, Hannah Shenesh, and many many more collected in Rabbi Jack Riemer’s book: Ethical Wills and How to Prepare Them.
Here are some exercises to get you started:
https://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/writing-an-ethical-will-how-to-get-started/
If this captivates you—as it has my husband who wrote a LONG ethical will to our daughter on the occasion of her Bat Mitzvah,
If you are still stumped but intrigued you can join my class on Wise Aging. We meet on Tuesdays at 1:30 PM.
Writing an ethical will is a blessing we give our children. May this Thanksgiving be a season of gratitude and blessings and values we hand down to our children and our children’s children.
(Trivia answer: 127 shows up in the Book of Esther. There were 127 provinces that the King of Shushan ruled over from India to Eithiopia.)